[The topic of his sister was such a strange thing to him - polarizing, fine one minute and triggering the next. This was only doubled by the fact that she was… well… dead but present, in a way that none of Sunny’s previous dreams and hallucinations had been like before.
She still loved him. She shouldn’t. It was all his fault. And yet some part of him, deep down, still craved for the days that they spent together.
It had been a mistake. It was still his fault.
That soft touch, as well as Kel’s gentle tone, had the way Sunny froze slowly start to unravel. If Kel tried to move Sunny’s hands, the teen would let him - the expression underneath a mixture of something vulnerable and scared.
He was scared, if he allowed himself to name the feeling. The idea that he could be alone here, if people found out how horrible he really was (if he would be truly alone here, as even the friends inside his head weren’t paying him visits) was terrifying.
It was ok to be loved? To love? Sunny didn’t deserve that though. He couldn’t shake his head, didn’t want to go so far as to physically deny it - that would raise questions, wouldn’t it? Questions he had no idea how to answer - so he remained silent, his gaze shifting every so often, still filled with that fear.]
[Ah... so much for a fun shared moment, huh? Kel bit his lips, looking at his friend. This had been a mistake, but perhaps Sunny needed a chance to be a bit more honest about his own feelings?
It had to be a big weight on his shoulders if he was, as Kel heavily suspected, the reason Mari died in the first place. How a murder was staged was... not something he understood, perhaps Sunny's parents put it up as a cover for the sake of protecting their only remaining son? Maybe Basil knew something about it and that's why he fully withdrew after the incident? He had so many questions but...
right now helping his friend was the priority, even if Kel suspected that Sunny was even worse than him at processing his own feelings.]
Hey...
[He offered a small, warm smile in face of that fearful expression, leaning further down just to be on same eye level of Sunny. Something told him 'you don't have his warmth', but Kel didn't know who 'him' was, nor he could focus on what he was missing right now.
Time to... try his best?]
I know... I know it's scary. And I know there is a lot that still has to be said, especially between you two, but...
[He raised one hand, caressing the other's cheek Like he did so many times when Sally was upset. His mind forgot, but his heart didn't..]
You two love each other deeply and that's something everyone can see. And people love you, Sunny. I love you. Aubrey loved you too, even if she was hurting during those last days... [No mention of Basil, not yet. He just doesn't know what went wrong that night.] And so many people in Faraway did too.
Whatever happens. And whatever happened. I promise it's going to be okay. I'll do my best to make sure of that. [A pause.] Do you want me to hug you?
[If only Sunny would have known the evidence to back up Kel’s claims. But since he had… died… during that fight, he never got to see it.
The hospital room overflowing with flowers and well wishes.
The fact that the quests small acts of kindness he did had left an impact on people.
He didn’t know any of that, so all he could do was half-heartedly nod in agreement.
But… Mari did love him. Kel did. Aubrey… did? She did. And Hero, too, his bright smile as he made breakfast (a breakfast of which Sunny hadn’t eaten, but could appreciate the sentiment, he supposed). Basil… Basil was such a tug of war, as always. Sunny cared for him, he was his friend, but at the same time… he couldn’t get over the memory of being in that room.
…Aaaand he was probably sitting there thinking about this for way too long, spacing out and worrying his friend that was present.]
…small… one… [Small hugs were ok. Sunny was used to Kel’s energetic touch, which might be a bit too much right now but… a small amount was alright.]
[The insane difference a single week made for both of them.
Kel and Aubrey got to hold each other while barely being able to process what actually happened in Basil's house, they got to talk about it, they both watched over their friends as they slept after... all that happened. And they both got to see a sea of people walk in Sunny's room to bring in flowers.
The Hooligans had been the first ones. Kel was almost shocked to see Mikhael without his stupid wig and Charlene brought in so many things for everyone, a true caretaker. Then there was Cris, bringing in flowers from her family and standing by Kel's side the most- she had been such a wonderful friend. A shame Sunny barely got to know her.
And then Joy, Brent, the two lovely newlyweds- everyone in their little corner of Town just coming in with presents and well wishes. What was heartbreaking was how sterile Basil's room was in comparison, but both Kel and Aubrey's feelings toward Basil had been so confusing in that short period of time they just didn't find themselves doing much more.
Still, no time to focus on other stuff right now. Kel just had to look at Sunny to feel how... smaller the other felt compared to other teens their ages. And not just Physically. Between an empty fridge and an empty house, he couldn't help but wonder how lonely and lost the other had been since the incident, how mcuh that influenced his thoughts too, and just- feel protective.
If Sunny's mom couldn't bother to show up during his hospital stay, exactly like Basil's parents, then Kel was going to do his best to let Sunny understand he was worth of love. Even if, from Kel's understanding, some horrible things happened because of him.]
Okay, small one. You just tell me if I need to step back, mh? Or pinch my stomach, if words don't come out, I'll back off.
[He was careful and strangely gentle as he wrapped his arms around the other, pulling him closer and letting his face rest against his chest. At least it allowed Kel to drop his smile for a moment and not pay attention to his own facial expressions, that was helpful.
He... wasn't good at words, but he had to try.]
You know... feelings are quite the irrational thing. We can't fully control them, even when we try, and sometimes they can feel overwhelming. I can tell you have some strong bad ones tucked inside- [And he knew it was probably coming from... guilt? From what he did to his sister?] When they get too bad, try to remember that you're worth loving, no matter what happened that makes you feel that way.
[Would he have been able to have a similar conversation with Basil? Post... incident? He didn't know, he wanted to believe he truly loved his friends but feelings in that sense were still a complete mess. Fortunately enough, both Basil and Aubrey were still alive so it was not something he had to worry about in the immediate.]
[It was ironic how so much of Sunny’s life was defined by the split-second decisions that impacted him.
A moment of anger
A deciding solitude
The opening of a door
A moment of panic-
All of it, split second feelings that led to something that changed the course of his life.
He couldn’t have known, didn’t see or smell or hear the well wishes, that people cared that much even though he had stayed in his room for four years and was moving away soon-
He nodded against Kel’s chest. As always, the other was giving him a way out. A pinch would be easier, probably hurt less (emotionally) for both of them if it came to that but for now… it was quiet and safe and Kel’s arms were like walls blocking out the rest.
(Even if Sunny’s viewpoint still had him looking down at his new shirt.)]
M’kay. [It was a noise of agreement, a half word, and then Sunny was listening. Listening as Kel talked in that familiar yet calm cadence. He froze at that admission - you have some strong bad ones tucked inside - but forced himself to relax.
Sunny did have too many feelings locked away. He normally didn’t show them, even Before, but they were always there - lurking beneath the surface, waiting to make themselves known—
Split second decisions.
A small voice inside Sunny whispered. You don’t understand. What I did. I’m not worth it.
He squashed it down, shoved it back inside that sterile room, and whispered his own defiance.]
[Those small decisions also impacted everyone around him... but Kel still wanted to do his very best to keep issues at bay.
There was no turning back and he at least knew Sunny enough to understand the other wasn't some kind of evil creature, nor he had a real intention to hurt anyone. Their lives had just been a string of... unfortunate incidents.]
Mhm...
[He could feel the other tense up and then relax at his words, and... Kel had to admit it. He didn't know what else to do beside reassuring and reassuring Sunny. He didn't do it enough in Faraway and it landed them in the afterlife, so... maybe this was going to help?
Maybe Sunny needed to know that no matter what, he was going to stay loved? Still, he couldn't bring himself to say 'hi, I think I know what happened with Mari' out loud. Everything was miserable as possible already... all he could offer to Sunny was support.
He didn't even know why he hesitated before reaching for the other's head, gently scratching it. This was no real 'friends' stuff between boys, this was siblings stuff level and he had always been a single child so... this was unexplored territory, right? Even with someone like Sunny he always cuddled when they were kids.]
I know you're trying your best, Sunny. I see you... [He closed his eyes for a moment, being careful in how he modulated his tone. He was the older one, he had to sound stable and confident.] And I will be honest with you. I come from... further down the line than you. Or, well, I've been awake while you were not so I have- I had- [A talk with Mari.] Time to process feelings. Emotions. How much I love my friends.
[Maybe, if Sunny felt confident enough, he'd... choose to talk?]
I know things got... intense back home. That being said? I promise you there's nothing you can do or say that will make me stop caring about you. So... if you're struggling? Please, know I'll always be here to listen, kay? And to remind you how loved you are, eeeeeven if I think you'd have to be blind not to notice how everyone in our group already took a shine on you.
[If Sunny could get their friend group situations to stop orbiting around him, he would gladly vote for that responsibility to fall to someone else.
A string of unfortunate incidents, indeed.]
‘Further… down the… line’…?
[It was a confusing string of words but… did Kel mean to say he knew things that Sunny didn’t? He… guessed that would make sense. Sunny’s own perception had cut off once he’d started losing blood - once the shears had left his eye - so… maybe trauma just had him forgetting.
Again.
But Kel sounded confident, so who was Sunny to interrupt with his own fears?
At least… Kel seemed to have figured things out. (Whatever that might be.)]
I… know… [It was small reassurance. Kel would stick by him (even if Sunny still feared the look on his friend’s face if he ever found out the Truth), and… that small declaration had him almost breathing some form of amusement through his nose. Everyone… cared for him? But they seemed to…
Sunny pulled back from the hug and pointed to his wrapped eye.] Already… half-blind… [Did that count as a joke. Still, Kel’s point came across.]
[Too bad, Sunny... you somehow got adopted by the entirety of the group. Kel included. Like a precious baby everyone wanted to keep safe- even back home, during their 'fights', somehow only Kel got attacked, remember? Who'd want anything bad to happen to Sunny?]
Huh... back home. I came here a week after you...
[Got hurt. He dosn't even know how to put those words out without bringing up Basil in any way...]
It was an intense one. Heh... believe it or not, me and Aubrey even spent a night together, hugging like we were ten again. There was a lot going on. [A pause. If... Sunny was not in favor of talking maybe Kel had to try? Something inside him churned around just a bit, it was unfair that he was the one always having to try, but as soon as he realized it was his own fear talking it was easy to silence it.] And after that week, we both came here. Wel, you and me. Aubrey is still home.
[Just... say it. Just... do it.]
She was in Basil's hospital room the last time I saw her. I want to believe they at least have each other now.
[It felt like wind had just been knocked out of his guys, but at least... he took that dangerous step. Not that he wanted to talk about how the two of them died, but at least he could bring up the only good thing? Two of their friend group of five were still alive And Hero... too. But Kel couldn't remember.]
Heh... [Good lord, Kel knew far too well Sunny was half blind but that didn't make it easy to smile when he pointed it out. So much for a moment of laughing at a stupid t- shirt.] I know. But you still got one whole eye to look around you and seehow many people love you, silly.
[Sunny simply blinks, silent, as the information sinks in one by one.
A whole week… Aubrey had stayed too, which meant… things were alright now? And Basil… that meant he was ok, right? If he was in the hospital.
But… Sunny didn’t remember that… he remembered the pain from his eye and the warmth of blood leaking down his face, the sudden jolt of terror that led to a lightheadedness and then… falling in the River.
Had he… been asleep for a week? Had he died in his sleep and not realized it? Then why had his ‘death’ been so painfully relived in the River…?
The thought was making Sunny’s head swim, and suddenly he was glad that Kel was there as a physical support in case he passed out again.
Sunny blinks again, the joking laugh bringing him back.
Focus on that.]
One… eye… [There was a joke, somewhere, locked away in his head, but Sunny couldn’t bring himself to dredge it up from his clouded conscious.]
[A whole week, indeed. It felt like an eternity to Kel, moving between one hospital room and another with Aubrey, both feeling almost like powerless ghosts while their friends fought their demons.
Things were so not alright, otherwise Basil wouldn't have stabbed Sunny, right? And Sunny wouldn't have jumped down.
Kel remembered the rush to Basil's room once they heard Sunny's body hit the floor, he could remember holding Sunny's body after pushing Basil away from him, Aubrey trying to calm the blonde boy down despite the horror and panic of the moment and Polly taking the lead in stopping the bleeding and helping them wait for the ambulance.
Kel had been covered in blood, but his mind refused to acknowledge that more than needed.
If asked, though? He'd just assume that Sunny only remembered up to a certain point so that's how he rememebred his death, hell if he had any answer.]
Yeh. Like Spaceboy. And, like him, you have a very devoted crew. [A pause.] I'm just... sorry. We were asleep and we didn't hear anything.
[There's a reason if now, that his body no longer needs it, Kel has been awake non stop. There are many reasons the guilt won't go away. Man, how did they get there from laughing around about a shirt?]
Maybe in his dreams, he might be the main character with Spaceboy starring every so often in a cameo, but here…
Sunny was Sunny. He wasn’t cool or strong or brave. He could just be who he was.
And where Kel had been kept up by the events of that night, Sunny had been indulging in his own ignorance and rest. Again. And again. And again.
The teen shakes his head at the apology. Indeed how had they gotten to this point?]
Not… your fault… I chose… to try and help…
[That’s what he had been doing, right? After that awful nightmare (remembrance), when the Truth had laid itself bare amidst a photo album stained with blood and the long shadows of his backyard, Sunny had felt compelled to go to Basil.
To talk about what had happened, maybe. About what they hid. To save his friend, more importantly.
But Sunny had failed at both of those. That’s why he was here, right, instead of in a blissful nothingness?
But… then why was Kel here? Why would Mari be here like that Incident had happened just the other day? It must be him - his sins and secrets weighing them down with him.
”Although they are revived time and again, the most haunting stay in this world…”
[The comparison was supposed to make sunny feel better, but he could tell it didn't work.
This was... a difficult conversation to have, as a whole, and... help?
The teen found himself opening his mouth a couple of times before being able to process that new bit of information- help...]
Were... you trying to help him? That's what happened back there?
[Was Basil's accident unrelated to Sunny's... situation? He knew the other had been bullied for a while, even if kel found out about that pretty much only when Sunny did (He did spend time with Jay and Cris and other people, they weren't exactly in Basil and Aubrey's circles), andthat his grandmother passed out the same day Sunny lost his eye. The kind boy didn't even tell Polly about that, she found out later from a call from his parents, he just- chose solitude.
And... oh.
Oh.]
Was he... at risk of getting hurt?
[With Sunny jumping from the top of a hospital, hallucinations or not, now Kel wonderedif what Sunny tried to do was. trying to stop Basil from doing something equally stupid. His two friends were pretty broken, huh? It was difficult to figure out what to say next, so he merely pulled Sunny closer once more, trying to let im rest his forehead against his chest. No need to see Kel's face, not right now.]
You shouldn't have been alone, but saying you how sorry I am won't change anything so... I... thank you, Sunny. For trying your best.
[It was hard, thinking back to that night, trying to confirm Kel’s question.
It was a hard question too.
One that Sunny had felt deeply himself, had he not escaped into his dreams, and even then… before those three days back home, he might have been content to spend the rest of his life in such a state.
But Basil…
Sunny nods, hesitant and small.]
I… think… [He had entered to talk, to attempt to at least, and Sunny had seen the sheers-
Everything will be okay.
-except it wasn’t. Basil had felt trapped into an inescapable pit, surely, one that Sunny had inadvertently helped dig.
If- if he couldn’t save his friend… he at least figured… maybe dying to try and do so wasn’t so bad…
After all…]
Can’t… my… fault… [He couldn’t save Basil, could he? Not by himself. Not as himself. But Kel had said that both of them had made it to the hospital so that… couldn’t for something, right?
Except for the fact that Sunny had ended up here, and Basil surely was feeling all sorts of things about that…
Just like Sunny had.
He didn’t deserve thanks from Kel. Even if the other meant well… even if Basil had been saved… it was still all his fault.]
[So Kel's idea of 'Basil was trying to stop Sunny' was absolutely wrong. Getting together details about what happened was so difficult, but they were in the middle of... a conversation, right now. And, hopefully, Sunny wasn't going to run away.
His family, his non blood related family, sure was all messed up. And he was probably messed up as well.
At the nod, he merely leant forward, placing a kiss on the top of someone who felt like a hurt kid now. Sunny tried to help Basil, Basil perhaps knew something he wasn't supposed to, his grandma died and.... everything went to hell.]
For what it's worth... Aubrey is with him. And Polly, even if she's no longer officially employed- she says she's going to do her best not to leave his side.
[He wanted to be angry with Basil for what happened to Sunny, he probably still was to some degree, but overall the whole situation just felt depressing. And it was in part Kel's fault for not realizing what was going on.
If only he paid better attention to all the small things...]
Ah... [Sunny's fault? Kel blinked before staring in silence to the side for a moment, still trying to keep the other close enough so Sunny would be unable to look up at him. Hard to keep up a smile while discussing certain things...] I... [He knew about Mari. He didn't know a lot of other things. Sunny didn't know what Kel knew or didn't knew, though, and this bit of conversation was subtly telling him Basil was at least... involved to some degree? Or was he reading too much into it? The flower boy did completely retreat after the incident, after all and- ah shit.
Any reply was a gamble. Say 'not your fault' could probably push Sunny to hold his own fears back... right? Consoling him would maybe have the same effect. Acknowledging any fault could hurt him, though, and he still didn't know what ent down in that room. This was... difficult.]
I... [A pause. This was going either to push Sunny away or break things between them but, hey, it wasn't like Kel could play dumb in the middle of a conversation like this. He wasn't book smart, but he could at least understand people..] I know.
[And no way back from that. Saying that anxiety was rising in his chest would be a massive understatement.
I made some ugly mistakes too, though. No one is free of blame and... for what it's worth? I forgive you.
[For what? He wasn't even completely sure yet. For Mari, yes, but he lacked details beside the fact she had an argument with Suny and then died. For Basil? He didn't even know how Sunny was responsible. He wasn't certain of anything but sometimes one had to roll and pretend he knew a lot more than he did.]
[The brush of Kel’s lips against the top of his head was comforting, if a bit strange. Almost like something Mari would do but… Kel had always been a physical action sort of comforter. It didn’t bother Sunny in the slightest.
And oh, good, Basil would still have Aubrey and Polly and Hero.
Know… what? What did he mean by that, Sunny hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary.
Did he mean that Kel was more aware of Sunny’s mental state? His propensity to zone out and dissociate? His lack of motivation and wanting to live and-
Sunny’s gaze, in that moment, focused on the shirt he now wore.]
Sunny shoved against Kel’s chest, desperate to put any amount of distance between them, feeling like he couldn’t breathe.
He wasn’t strong, but adrenaline had the motion much more forceful than anything the teen had done so far. Maybe Kel was even caught off guard, since he had been so lax.
He couldn’t know- he couldn’t!
To be forgiven? Making ugly mistakes??
This wasn’t as simple as that! It was a mistake, but it had cost them all, and it was All His Fault-]
[Okay. OKAY. He hit something. He still didn't have the full picture but Sunny's reaction was enough to tell this was something Big at least. Maybe what had him run away mid therapy session?
while he let the other push him away, the immediate 'he's going to get lost in this hellish wet place' had Kel bolt forward and try to grab the other's wrist. He just had to keep him in place, not immediately trying to push him back in a hug.
He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to process this, but Sunny was feeling guilty for something and Mari at least gave him enough info to figure out that there was some kind of accident while she and Sunny were fighting. The Basil part was a lot more confusing but Sunny didn't need to know how many questions Kel still had.
Thank god he never told Sunny the reason they both died was because Kel had not been fast enough and because Sunny wandered on the roof in the first place.]
Don't- Look at me, Sunny. Do you think you have to run away from me??
[He was literally bulshitting his way in the conversation, but it seemed like his emotional intelligence was at least allowing him to keep up with the whole thing. He... what was he supposed to say?
Hell, he didn't know. He threw himself in trying to console the other and now they were... somewhere. Somewhere highly unpleasant for both. All he knew was that he didn't want Sunny to look at him like that, with fear in his eyes- that actually made him angry, which wasn't easy to hide.]
Don't you really know how stubborn I can be when it comes to you?
[Or Mari. Or Basil. Or Hero. He could let people step on him, but when it came to the people he loved? He was always up to fight.]
(Not that Something, but it was equally as important. Actually, Sunny would have preferred Kel hitting the latter even if it meant having to explain the fact that he was haunted by a scary Something that changed shapes.)
Kel catches his wrist, and that grip is like a vice. All of Sunny’s lingering attention latches onto that-
He’s shaking his head frantically, tugging at his trapped arm like he’s in some sort of cage.
Kel’s voice echoes in and out of his hearing, distorted, like through a fog or some sort of filter. It should be reassuring.
Except this wasn’t about Kel. It wasn’t about how much Kel cared for his friends, stuck by Sunny even though he didn’t deserve it-
He wasn’t wanting to run from Kel, not really, but he wants to run from himself.]
[He could tell, thank you for the shocking revelation.
Kel didn't expect a shirt to bring in a conversation that would snowball like this, but there wasn't exactly a 'turn back' point, not anymore. There was plenty of regret as he still held Sunny there, keeping him just within arm distance, not sure if it was better to pull him back into a hug, to let him know with Kel's best love language that everything was unchanged between them, but he also knew it could be overwhelming.
What... what could he even say or do?]
I... [Sunny was his family, even if things were messy and awful. Sunny was someone who was apparently living with more ghosts than Kel imagined if his suicide and his current reaction were anything to go by.] I love you.
[A sentence made to be reassuring. Probably overdone by that point, considering kel was very vocal about how much he loved the siblings, but this time it had a lot more intent behind it. It tried to convey a whole 'I know things are awful, but you're forgiven and still loved'-
little did he know a ghost in Sunny's blackest parts of the brain repeated that sentence nonstop and only brought him trauma in such way. Little did he knew the other was not really seeing him anymore.]
Whatever you're thinking, just know that I know, I did for a while now, and I still love you.
[It was both the kindest and worst possible thing that Kel could have said.
‘I know’ ‘I love you’
No one was supposed to know- that was the whole point! They wouldn’t love him if they did, wouldn’t understand that it was an accident, all because Sunny just couldn’t have time to breathe or calm down or think-
It was a lie. Love was a lie. They don’t. They couldn’t.
For a while? How long had Kel known? Pretended to care? Had Mari been pretending this whole time? Had something happened and Sunny was now just living in another idealized daydream where they still cared-?
The thought had him tugging on his wrist harder, the motion sending a wince through him at the jolt of pain there.]
[It felt like a nightmare, the way Sunny was looking at him and reacting.
Was this similar to what Basil experienced, perhaps? Suddenly he felt like he could understand him a lot more, even if stabbing Sunny- God. Kel knew he was bad at his own feelings but right now all he could write himself as was 'miserable' and 'uncertain'. Every step he took was the wrong one.
Sunny was trying to run away and he just... couldn't let him go. Not now, not in that state. But communication seemed to be broken for now, right?
The only thing he could do was to wait for Sunny to calm down, even if it meant forcing him to stay there against his will. Ah... maybe the other was going to hate him now, fantastic. Still, he held the wrist a bit more and pulled the other closer, trying to pick him up between his arms like when he delivered him to Mari. This time? Simply trying to keep him there and maybe aiming to find a place where they could both wait... this out. Whatever this was.
It was okay if Sunny was going to be angry at him, Kel deserved it fully especially after failing to save him, but for now his safety was the most important thing.]
[Sunny certainly wished this was all a nightmare. Maybe the desert heat had gotten to him, maybe the marsh’s temperate climate made sleeping that much deeper, maybe Sunny would wake up with a gasp in the middle of the night tucked into his bed in Faraway Town-
None of those things happened.
Ke’s grip on his wrist wasn’t giving, and now the other was pulling Sunny towards him attempting to lean down and scoop him up with one arm under his legs and-]
No! [It was he only utterance Sunny had actually let out, full of fear and defiance and he just knew he wanted to be anywhere but here-!]
Edited (Forgot the number XD) Date: 2025-05-16 05:48 pm (UTC)
[That no was enough for Kel to stop on his tracks and at least not to pull up Sunny. No meant no, even in such a distressing context, right? He just wanted Sunny not to be so upset but- how?
Hell, he had not heard him talk in such a way in- well, never. The tone was so different from the soft spoken kid he once knew and the very gentle speaking teen he met four years later.
This was bad.
And Kel didn't know how to fix it. Perhaps another approach would work? Another one showing a bit more of Kel's own insecurities? Hell if he knew, right now he was trying different approaches, the only thing that didn't change was the fact Kel was not letting go of the other.]]
I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I didn't want to upset you.
[At least Kel had stopped trying to pick him up; Sunny would have felt awful later if he had accidentally punched the other in all of his flailing. (Not that it would have done much damage, at least Kel wasn’t Encouraging him.)
Kel was apologizing, and Sunny wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault. It was Sunny’s fault. He just couldn’t figure out how to put that into words, the frantic gasps leaving him unable to speak, his heartbeat was too loud, he was Stressed Out, and—]
…!
[Sunny passed out.
Good thing Kel actually had some form of a grip on Sunny; the teen suddenly dropped like a deadweight.
A physical examination shows that he’s simply some form of asleep, any panic that he had felt was wiped from his face, his breaths soft and even.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
From:
This tag T.T <3
She still loved him. She shouldn’t. It was all his fault. And yet some part of him, deep down, still craved for the days that they spent together.
It had been a mistake. It was still his fault.
That soft touch, as well as Kel’s gentle tone, had the way Sunny froze slowly start to unravel. If Kel tried to move Sunny’s hands, the teen would let him - the expression underneath a mixture of something vulnerable and scared.
He was scared, if he allowed himself to name the feeling. The idea that he could be alone here, if people found out how horrible he really was (if he would be truly alone here, as even the friends inside his head weren’t paying him visits) was terrifying.
It was ok to be loved? To love? Sunny didn’t deserve that though. He couldn’t shake his head, didn’t want to go so far as to physically deny it - that would raise questions, wouldn’t it? Questions he had no idea how to answer - so he remained silent, his gaze shifting every so often, still filled with that fear.]
From:
Poor Sunny... ç_ç
It had to be a big weight on his shoulders if he was, as Kel heavily suspected, the reason Mari died in the first place. How a murder was staged was... not something he understood, perhaps Sunny's parents put it up as a cover for the sake of protecting their only remaining son? Maybe Basil knew something about it and that's why he fully withdrew after the incident? He had so many questions but...
right now helping his friend was the priority, even if Kel suspected that Sunny was even worse than him at processing his own feelings.]
Hey...
[He offered a small, warm smile in face of that fearful expression, leaning further down just to be on same eye level of Sunny. Something told him 'you don't have his warmth', but Kel didn't know who 'him' was, nor he could focus on what he was missing right now.
Time to... try his best?]
I know... I know it's scary. And I know there is a lot that still has to be said, especially between you two, but...
[He raised one hand, caressing the other's cheek
Like he did so many times when Sally was upset. His mind forgot, but his heart didn't..]You two love each other deeply and that's something everyone can see. And people love you, Sunny. I love you. Aubrey loved you too, even if she was hurting during those last days... [No mention of Basil, not yet. He just doesn't know what went wrong that night.] And so many people in Faraway did too.
Whatever happens. And whatever happened. I promise it's going to be okay. I'll do my best to make sure of that. [A pause.] Do you want me to hug you?
From:
He’s got so much trauma T.T
The hospital room overflowing with flowers and well wishes.
The fact that the
questssmall acts of kindness he did had left an impact on people.He didn’t know any of that, so all he could do was half-heartedly nod in agreement.
But… Mari did love him. Kel did. Aubrey… did? She did. And Hero, too, his bright smile as he made breakfast (a breakfast of which Sunny hadn’t eaten, but could appreciate the sentiment, he supposed). Basil… Basil was such a tug of war, as always. Sunny cared for him, he was his friend, but at the same time… he couldn’t get over the memory of being in that room.
…Aaaand he was probably sitting there thinking about this for way too long, spacing out and worrying his friend that was present.]
…small… one… [Small hugs were ok. Sunny was used to Kel’s energetic touch, which might be a bit too much right now but… a small amount was alright.]
From:
Yeah, poor poor dear :(
Kel and Aubrey got to hold each other while barely being able to process what actually happened in Basil's house, they got to talk about it, they both watched over their friends as they slept after... all that happened. And they both got to see a sea of people walk in Sunny's room to bring in flowers.
The Hooligans had been the first ones. Kel was almost shocked to see Mikhael without his stupid wig and Charlene brought in so many things for everyone, a true caretaker. Then there was Cris, bringing in flowers from her family and standing by Kel's side the most- she had been such a wonderful friend. A shame Sunny barely got to know her.
And then Joy, Brent, the two lovely newlyweds- everyone in their little corner of Town just coming in with presents and well wishes. What was heartbreaking was how sterile Basil's room was in comparison, but both Kel and Aubrey's feelings toward Basil had been so confusing in that short period of time they just didn't find themselves doing much more.
Still, no time to focus on other stuff right now. Kel just had to look at Sunny to feel how... smaller the other felt compared to other teens their ages. And not just Physically. Between an empty fridge and an empty house, he couldn't help but wonder how lonely and lost the other had been since the incident, how mcuh that influenced his thoughts too, and just- feel protective.
If Sunny's mom couldn't bother to show up during his hospital stay, exactly like Basil's parents, then Kel was going to do his best to let Sunny understand he was worth of love. Even if, from Kel's understanding, some horrible things happened because of him.]
Okay, small one. You just tell me if I need to step back, mh? Or pinch my stomach, if words don't come out, I'll back off.
[He was careful and strangely gentle as he wrapped his arms around the other, pulling him closer and letting his face rest against his chest. At least it allowed Kel to drop his smile for a moment and not pay attention to his own facial expressions, that was helpful.
He... wasn't good at words, but he had to try.]
You know... feelings are quite the irrational thing. We can't fully control them, even when we try, and sometimes they can feel overwhelming. I can tell you have some strong bad ones tucked inside- [And he knew it was probably coming from... guilt? From what he did to his sister?] When they get too bad, try to remember that you're worth loving, no matter what happened that makes you feel that way.
[Would he have been able to have a similar conversation with Basil? Post... incident? He didn't know, he wanted to believe he truly loved his friends but feelings in that sense were still a complete mess. Fortunately enough, both Basil and Aubrey were still alive so it was not something he had to worry about in the immediate.]
From:
/cries, also good job Kel, you avoided his knee jerk reaction
A moment of anger
A deciding solitude
The opening of a door
A moment of panic-
All of it, split second feelings that led to something that changed the course of his life.
He couldn’t have known, didn’t see or smell or hear the well wishes, that people cared that much even though he had stayed in his room for four years and was moving away soon-
He nodded against Kel’s chest. As always, the other was giving him a way out. A pinch would be easier, probably hurt less (emotionally) for both of them if it came to that but for now… it was quiet and safe and Kel’s arms were like walls blocking out the rest.
(Even if Sunny’s viewpoint still had him looking down at his new shirt.)]
M’kay. [It was a noise of agreement, a half word, and then Sunny was listening. Listening as Kel talked in that familiar yet calm cadence. He froze at that admission - you have some strong bad ones tucked inside - but forced himself to relax.
Sunny did have too many feelings locked away. He normally didn’t show them, even Before, but they were always there - lurking beneath the surface, waiting to make themselves known—
Split second decisions.
A small voice inside Sunny whispered. You don’t understand. What I did. I’m not worth it.
He squashed it down, shoved it back inside that sterile room, and whispered his own defiance.]
…will try…
[Even if it was a lie…]
From:
Can't escape when you're between Kel's arms, Sunny. All hope is lose.
There was no turning back and he at least knew Sunny enough to understand the other wasn't some kind of evil creature, nor he had a real intention to hurt anyone. Their lives had just been a string of... unfortunate incidents.]
Mhm...
[He could feel the other tense up and then relax at his words, and... Kel had to admit it. He didn't know what else to do beside reassuring and reassuring Sunny. He didn't do it enough in Faraway and it landed them in the afterlife, so... maybe this was going to help?
Maybe Sunny needed to know that no matter what, he was going to stay loved? Still, he couldn't bring himself to say 'hi, I think I know what happened with Mari' out loud. Everything was miserable as possible already... all he could offer to Sunny was support.
He didn't even know why he hesitated before reaching for the other's head, gently scratching it. This was no real 'friends' stuff between boys, this was siblings stuff level and he had always been a single child so... this was unexplored territory, right? Even with someone like Sunny he always cuddled when they were kids.]
I know you're trying your best, Sunny. I see you... [He closed his eyes for a moment, being careful in how he modulated his tone. He was the older one, he had to sound stable and confident.] And I will be honest with you. I come from... further down the line than you. Or, well, I've been awake while you were not so I have- I had- [A talk with Mari.] Time to process feelings. Emotions. How much I love my friends.
[Maybe, if Sunny felt confident enough, he'd... choose to talk?]
I know things got... intense back home. That being said? I promise you there's nothing you can do or say that will make me stop caring about you. So... if you're struggling? Please, know I'll always be here to listen, kay? And to remind you how loved you are, eeeeeven if I think you'd have to be blind not to notice how everyone in our group already took a shine on you.
From:
Don’t let Nagito hear you say that XD
A string of unfortunate incidents, indeed.]
‘Further… down the… line’…?
[It was a confusing string of words but… did Kel mean to say he knew things that Sunny didn’t? He… guessed that would make sense. Sunny’s own perception had cut off once he’d started losing blood - once the shears had left his eye - so… maybe trauma just had him forgetting.
Again.
But Kel sounded confident, so who was Sunny to interrupt with his own fears?
At least… Kel seemed to have figured things out. (Whatever that might be.)]
I… know… [It was small reassurance. Kel would stick by him (even if Sunny still feared the look on his friend’s face if he ever found out the Truth), and… that small declaration had him almost breathing some form of amusement through his nose. Everyone… cared for him? But they seemed to…
Sunny pulled back from the hug and pointed to his wrapped eye.] Already… half-blind… [Did that count as a joke. Still, Kel’s point came across.]
From:
It's okay, it's not the worst kind of defeat- right?
Huh... back home. I came here a week after you...
[Got hurt. He dosn't even know how to put those words out without bringing up Basil in any way...]
It was an intense one. Heh... believe it or not, me and Aubrey even spent a night together, hugging like we were ten again. There was a lot going on. [A pause. If... Sunny was not in favor of talking maybe Kel had to try? Something inside him churned around just a bit, it was unfair that he was the one always having to try, but as soon as he realized it was his own fear talking it was easy to silence it.] And after that week, we both came here. Wel, you and me. Aubrey is still home.
[Just... say it. Just... do it.]
She was in Basil's hospital room the last time I saw her. I want to believe they at least have each other now.
[It felt like wind had just been knocked out of his guys, but at least... he took that dangerous step. Not that he wanted to talk about how the two of them died, but at least he could bring up the only good thing? Two of their friend group of five were still alive
And Hero... too. But Kel couldn't remember.]Heh... [Good lord, Kel knew far too well Sunny was half blind but that didn't make it easy to smile when he pointed it out. So much for a moment of laughing at a stupid t- shirt.] I know. But you still got one whole eye to look around you and seehow many people love you, silly.
From:
CW: eye would description, blood
A whole week… Aubrey had stayed too, which meant… things were alright now? And Basil… that meant he was ok, right? If he was in the hospital.
But… Sunny didn’t remember that… he remembered the pain from his eye and the warmth of blood leaking down his face, the sudden jolt of terror that led to a lightheadedness and then… falling in the River.
Had he… been asleep for a week? Had he died in his sleep and not realized it? Then why had his ‘death’ been so painfully relived in the River…?
The thought was making Sunny’s head swim, and suddenly he was glad that Kel was there as a physical support in case he passed out again.
Sunny blinks again, the joking laugh bringing him back.
Focus on that.]
One… eye… [There was a joke, somewhere, locked away in his head, but Sunny couldn’t bring himself to dredge it up from his clouded conscious.]
From:
CW: wound description, fight talk, blood, suicide
Things were so not alright, otherwise Basil wouldn't have stabbed Sunny, right? And Sunny wouldn't have jumped down.
Kel remembered the rush to Basil's room once they heard Sunny's body hit the floor, he could remember holding Sunny's body after pushing Basil away from him, Aubrey trying to calm the blonde boy down despite the horror and panic of the moment and Polly taking the lead in stopping the bleeding and helping them wait for the ambulance.
Kel had been covered in blood, but his mind refused to acknowledge that more than needed.
If asked, though? He'd just assume that Sunny only remembered up to a certain point so that's how he rememebred his death, hell if he had any answer.]
Yeh. Like Spaceboy. And, like him, you have a very devoted crew. [A pause.] I'm just... sorry. We were asleep and we didn't hear anything.
[There's a reason if now, that his body no longer needs it, Kel has been awake non stop. There are many reasons the guilt won't go away. Man, how did they get there from laughing around about a shirt?]
From:
Just continuing the CWs as they keep talking/processing
Maybe in his dreams, he might be the main character with Spaceboy starring every so often in a cameo, but here…
Sunny was Sunny. He wasn’t cool or strong or brave. He could just be who he was.
And where Kel had been kept up by the events of that night, Sunny had been indulging in his own ignorance and rest. Again. And again. And again.
The teen shakes his head at the apology. Indeed how had they gotten to this point?]
Not… your fault… I chose… to try and help…
[That’s what he had been doing, right? After that awful nightmare (remembrance), when the Truth had laid itself bare amidst a photo album stained with blood and the long shadows of his backyard, Sunny had felt compelled to go to Basil.
To talk about what had happened, maybe. About what they hid. To save his friend, more importantly.
But Sunny had failed at both of those. That’s why he was here, right, instead of in a blissful nothingness?
But… then why was Kel here? Why would Mari be here like that Incident had happened just the other day? It must be him - his sins and secrets weighing them down with him.
”Although they are revived time and again, the most haunting stay in this world…”
Maybe his dreams had the right idea…]
From:
YEp. CWville over here. + bully related stuff + drowning risk + character death + suicide talk
This was... a difficult conversation to have, as a whole, and... help?
The teen found himself opening his mouth a couple of times before being able to process that new bit of information- help...]
Were... you trying to help him? That's what happened back there?
[Was Basil's accident unrelated to Sunny's... situation? He knew the other had been bullied for a while, even if kel found out about that pretty much only when Sunny did (He did spend time with Jay and Cris and other people, they weren't exactly in Basil and Aubrey's circles), andthat his grandmother passed out the same day Sunny lost his eye. The kind boy didn't even tell Polly about that, she found out later from a call from his parents, he just- chose solitude.
And... oh.
Oh.]
Was he... at risk of getting hurt?
[With Sunny jumping from the top of a hospital, hallucinations or not, now Kel wonderedif what Sunny tried to do was. trying to stop Basil from doing something equally stupid. His two friends were pretty broken, huh? It was difficult to figure out what to say next, so he merely pulled Sunny closer once more, trying to let im rest his forehead against his chest. No need to see Kel's face, not right now.]
You shouldn't have been alone, but saying you how sorry I am won't change anything so...
I... thank you, Sunny. For trying your best.
From:
ALL THE CWs
It was a hard question too.
One that Sunny had felt deeply himself, had he not escaped into his dreams, and even then… before those three days back home, he might have been content to spend the rest of his life in such a state.
But Basil…
Sunny nods, hesitant and small.]
I… think… [He had entered to talk, to attempt to at least, and Sunny had seen the sheers-
Everything will be okay.
-except it wasn’t. Basil had felt trapped into an inescapable pit, surely, one that Sunny had inadvertently helped dig.
If- if he couldn’t save his friend… he at least figured… maybe dying to try and do so wasn’t so bad…
After all…]
Can’t… my… fault… [He couldn’t save Basil, could he? Not by himself. Not as himself. But Kel had said that both of them had made it to the hospital so that… couldn’t for something, right?
Except for the fact that Sunny had ended up here, and Basil surely was feeling all sorts of things about that…
Just like Sunny had.
He didn’t deserve thanks from Kel. Even if the other meant well… even if Basil had been saved… it was still all his fault.]
From:
Even more of them, if possible
His family, his non blood related family, sure was all messed up. And he was probably messed up as well.
At the nod, he merely leant forward, placing a kiss on the top of someone who felt like a hurt kid now. Sunny tried to help Basil, Basil perhaps knew something he wasn't supposed to, his grandma died and.... everything went to hell.]
For what it's worth... Aubrey is with him. And Polly, even if she's no longer officially employed- she says she's going to do her best not to leave his side.
[He wanted to be angry with Basil for what happened to Sunny, he probably still was to some degree, but overall the whole situation just felt depressing. And it was in part Kel's fault for not realizing what was going on.
If only he paid better attention to all the small things...]
Ah... [Sunny's fault? Kel blinked before staring in silence to the side for a moment, still trying to keep the other close enough so Sunny would be unable to look up at him. Hard to keep up a smile while discussing certain things...] I... [He knew about Mari. He didn't know a lot of other things. Sunny didn't know what Kel knew or didn't knew, though, and this bit of conversation was subtly telling him Basil was at least... involved to some degree? Or was he reading too much into it? The flower boy did completely retreat after the incident, after all and- ah shit.
Any reply was a gamble. Say 'not your fault' could probably push Sunny to hold his own fears back... right? Consoling him would maybe have the same effect. Acknowledging any fault could hurt him, though, and he still didn't know what ent down in that room. This was... difficult.]
I... [A pause. This was going either to push Sunny away or break things between them but, hey, it wasn't like Kel could play dumb in the middle of a conversation like this. He wasn't book smart, but he could at least understand people..] I know.
[And no way back from that. Saying that anxiety was rising in his chest would be a massive understatement.
I made some ugly mistakes too, though. No one is free of blame and... for what it's worth? I forgive you.
[For what? He wasn't even completely sure yet. For Mari, yes, but he lacked details beside the fact she had an argument with Suny and then died. For Basil? He didn't even know how Sunny was responsible. He wasn't certain of anything but sometimes one had to roll and pretend he knew a lot more than he did.]
From:
1/3 (OK, snowball activated, I’m so sorry Kel ^^’)
And oh, good, Basil would still have Aubrey and Polly and Hero.
And…]
From:
2/3 (CW: mention of suicidal ideation)
Kel’s words sunk in.
‘I know.’
Know… what? What did he mean by that, Sunny hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary.
Did he mean that Kel was more aware of Sunny’s mental state? His propensity to zone out and dissociate? His lack of motivation and wanting to live and-
Sunny’s gaze, in that moment, focused on the shirt he now wore.]
From:
3/3
Mari wouldn’t.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO-
Sunny shoved against Kel’s chest, desperate to put any amount of distance between them, feeling like he couldn’t breathe.
He wasn’t strong, but adrenaline had the motion much more forceful than anything the teen had done so far. Maybe Kel was even caught off guard, since he had been so lax.
He couldn’t know- he couldn’t!
To be forgiven? Making ugly mistakes??
This wasn’t as simple as that! It was a mistake, but it had cost them all, and it was All His Fault-]
From:
no subject
while he let the other push him away, the immediate 'he's going to get lost in this hellish wet place' had Kel bolt forward and try to grab the other's wrist. He just had to keep him in place, not immediately trying to push him back in a hug.
He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to process this, but Sunny was feeling guilty for something and Mari at least gave him enough info to figure out that there was some kind of accident while she and Sunny were fighting. The Basil part was a lot more confusing but Sunny didn't need to know how many questions Kel still had.
Thank god he never told Sunny the reason they both died was because Kel had not been fast enough and because Sunny wandered on the roof in the first place.]
Don't- Look at me, Sunny. Do you think you have to run away from me??
[He was literally bulshitting his way in the conversation, but it seemed like his emotional intelligence was at least allowing him to keep up with the whole thing. He... what was he supposed to say?
Hell, he didn't know. He threw himself in trying to console the other and now they were... somewhere. Somewhere highly unpleasant for both. All he knew was that he didn't want Sunny to look at him like that, with fear in his eyes- that actually made him angry, which wasn't easy to hide.]
Don't you really know how stubborn I can be when it comes to you?
[Or Mari. Or Basil.
Or Hero. He could let people step on him, but when it came to the people he loved? He was always up to fight.]From:
3… (Feel free to respond, countdown is for me ^^)
(Not that Something, but it was equally as important. Actually, Sunny would have preferred Kel hitting the latter even if it meant having to explain the fact that he was haunted by a scary Something that changed shapes.)
Kel catches his wrist, and that grip is like a vice. All of Sunny’s lingering attention latches onto that-
He’s shaking his head frantically, tugging at his trapped arm like he’s in some sort of cage.
Kel’s voice echoes in and out of his hearing, distorted, like through a fog or some sort of filter. It should be reassuring.
Except this wasn’t about Kel. It wasn’t about how much Kel cared for his friends, stuck by Sunny even though he didn’t deserve it-
He wasn’t wanting to run from Kel, not really, but he wants to run from himself.]
From:
no subject
Kel didn't expect a shirt to bring in a conversation that would snowball like this, but there wasn't exactly a 'turn back' point, not anymore. There was plenty of regret as he still held Sunny there, keeping him just within arm distance, not sure if it was better to pull him back into a hug, to let him know with Kel's best love language that everything was unchanged between them, but he also knew it could be overwhelming.
What... what could he even say or do?]
I... [Sunny was his family, even if things were messy and awful. Sunny was someone who was apparently living with more ghosts than Kel imagined if his suicide and his current reaction were anything to go by.] I love you.
[A sentence made to be reassuring. Probably overdone by that point, considering kel was very vocal about how much he loved the siblings, but this time it had a lot more intent behind it. It tried to convey a whole 'I know things are awful, but you're forgiven and still loved'-
little did he know a ghost in Sunny's blackest parts of the brain repeated that sentence nonstop and only brought him trauma in such way. Little did he knew the other was not really seeing him anymore.]
Whatever you're thinking, just know that I know, I did for a while now, and I still love you.
From:
2… CW: we be spiraling down mentally~
‘I know’ ‘I love you’
No one was supposed to know- that was the whole point! They wouldn’t love him if they did, wouldn’t understand that it was an accident, all because Sunny just couldn’t have time to breathe or calm down or think-
It was a lie. Love was a lie. They don’t. They couldn’t.
For a while? How long had Kel known? Pretended to care? Had Mari been pretending this whole time? Had something happened and Sunny was now just living in another idealized daydream where they still cared-?
The thought had him tugging on his wrist harder, the motion sending a wince through him at the jolt of pain there.]
From:
Kel is trying his best and making the worst possible choices like a boss~
Was this similar to what Basil experienced, perhaps? Suddenly he felt like he could understand him a lot more, even if stabbing Sunny- God. Kel knew he was bad at his own feelings but right now all he could write himself as was 'miserable' and 'uncertain'. Every step he took was the wrong one.
Sunny was trying to run away and he just... couldn't let him go. Not now, not in that state. But communication seemed to be broken for now, right?
The only thing he could do was to wait for Sunny to calm down, even if it meant forcing him to stay there against his will. Ah... maybe the other was going to hate him now, fantastic. Still, he held the wrist a bit more and pulled the other closer, trying to pick him up between his arms like when he delivered him to Mari. This time? Simply trying to keep him there and maybe aiming to find a place where they could both wait... this out. Whatever this was.
It was okay if Sunny was going to be angry at him, Kel deserved it fully especially after failing to save him, but for now his safety was the most important thing.]
From:
1… He’s doing his best T.T Sunny’s just at his worst
None of those things happened.
Ke’s grip on his wrist wasn’t giving, and now the other was pulling Sunny towards him attempting to lean down and scoop him up with one arm under his legs and-]
No! [It was he only utterance Sunny had actually let out, full of fear and defiance and he just knew he wanted to be anywhere but here-!]
From:
Kel noticed THAT at least.
Hell, he had not heard him talk in such a way in- well, never. The tone was so different from the soft spoken kid he once knew and the very gentle speaking teen he met four years later.
This was bad.
And Kel didn't know how to fix it. Perhaps another approach would work? Another one showing a bit more of Kel's own insecurities? Hell if he knew, right now he was trying different approaches, the only thing that didn't change was the fact Kel was not letting go of the other.]]
I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I didn't want to upset you.
From:
0 CW: panic attack symptoms (Congrats, the shirt is saved!)
Kel was apologizing, and Sunny wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault. It was Sunny’s fault. He just couldn’t figure out how to put that into words, the frantic gasps leaving him unable to speak, his heartbeat was too loud, he was Stressed Out, and—]
…!
[Sunny passed out.
Good thing Kel actually had some form of a grip on Sunny; the teen suddenly dropped like a deadweight.
A physical examination shows that he’s simply some form of asleep, any panic that he had felt was wiped from his face, his breaths soft and even.
…what do?]
Ah, yeah, I'm sure that's the only thing Kel was concerned about.
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:shows up late with starbucks frapps in both hands
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: